one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
