Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
