You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
