i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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