I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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