Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
