Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
