Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I deserve this hangover.
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