fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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