O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You took a bar mat shot.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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