either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
