Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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