How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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