didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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