You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
