oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
