Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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