i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
