I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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