Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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