Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize