Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
