Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
