...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
