Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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