Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
