I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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