The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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