Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do

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  (818): i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do http://tfl.nu/n44h
  Replies (40) Good night (1236) Bad night (4774)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.

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  (586): She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/fg6t
  Replies (13) Good night (6825) Bad night (1722)
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  (714): View more from California

  I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?

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  (714): I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him? http://tfl.nu/ybyr
  Replies (18) Good night (3911) Bad night (1393)
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  (760): View more from California

  You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..

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  (760): You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching.. http://tfl.nu/8ueu
  Replies (11) Good night (1117) Bad night (4289)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.

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  (703): She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman. http://tfl.nu/z41q
  Replies (15) Good night (7323) Bad night (1033)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.

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  (717): I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees. http://tfl.nu/sibe
  Replies (4) Good night (1560) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?

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  (319): Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be? http://tfl.nu/gqtw
  Replies (13) Good night (834) Bad night (1318)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

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  (623): He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon http://tfl.nu/msr7
  Replies (5) Good night (1678) Bad night (720)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?

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  (919): But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night? http://tfl.nu/eqjw
  Replies (8) Good night (1293) Bad night (515)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"

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  (778): we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon" http://tfl.nu/dp34
  Replies (2) Good night (791) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  They're like sad pomegranates.

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  (810): So I went tanning and I burned my boobs. (810): They're like sad pomegranates. http://tfl.nu/z57h
  Replies (4) Good night (463) Bad night (1208)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.

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  (402): He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before. http://tfl.nu/g8nu
  Replies (4) Good night (349) Bad night (701)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.

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  (412): I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them. http://tfl.nu/23p2
  Replies (0) Good night (585) Bad night (442)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year

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  (519): So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year http://tfl.nu/k2mz
  Replies (3) Good night (639) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.

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  (972): I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs. http://tfl.nu/tu0n
  Replies (1) Good night (1278) Bad night (257)

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