Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue