I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
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my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.