sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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