Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.

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  (847): I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil. http://tfl.nu/z427
  Replies (8) Good night (911) Bad night (1439)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?

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  (217): Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina? http://tfl.nu/iipt
  Replies (17) Good night (3816) Bad night (1309)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...

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  (717): I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine... http://tfl.nu/s1vo
  Replies (11) Good night (4244) Bad night (723)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

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  (860): Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal http://tfl.nu/x7fc
  Replies (19) Good night (6147) Bad night (1836)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame

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  (708): Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame http://tfl.nu/f96m
  Replies (14) Good night (1160) Bad night (4236)
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  (707): View more from California

  Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....

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  (707): Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me..... http://tfl.nu/ajao
  Replies (11) Good night (3401) Bad night (1285)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?

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  (301): I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun? http://tfl.nu/ilq6
  Replies (3) Good night (2848) Bad night (1177)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover

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  (410): why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover http://tfl.nu/9q3l
  Replies (2) Good night (809) Bad night (1223)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer

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  (518): I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer http://tfl.nu/dafr
  Replies (18) Good night (2242) Bad night (750)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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  (816): Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time http://tfl.nu/d70u
  Replies (8) Good night (1373) Bad night (505)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.

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  (+44): my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/xnmz
  Replies (6) Good night (1985) Bad night (1016)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check

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  (936): Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check http://tfl.nu/ivap
  Replies (4) Good night (841) Bad night (444)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them

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  (613): Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them http://tfl.nu/25vp
  Replies (1) Good night (848) Bad night (322)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.

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  (252): We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day. http://tfl.nu/bkmj
  Replies (2) Good night (923) Bad night (372)
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  (209): View more from California

  I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.

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  (209): I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went. http://tfl.nu/69c2
  Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (326)

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