I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
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we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea