Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.

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  (517): I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie. http://tfl.nu/vu4d
  Replies (7) Good night (1486) Bad night (626)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"

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  (513): i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway" http://tfl.nu/kkqr
  Replies (25) Good night (3825) Bad night (750)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..

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  (425): there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room.. http://tfl.nu/dpny
  Replies (17) Good night (5885) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.

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  (913): It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there. http://tfl.nu/6dln
  Replies (2) Good night (1998) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.

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  (301): not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk. http://tfl.nu/3j1w
  Replies (2) Good night (890) Bad night (1774)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?

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  (360): Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot? http://tfl.nu/quvh
  Replies (22) Good night (995) Bad night (3086)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer

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  (518): Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer http://tfl.nu/1maf
  Replies (1) Good night (1265) Bad night (596)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather

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  (304): You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather http://tfl.nu/giov
  Replies (17) Good night (1677) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.

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  (585): She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me. http://tfl.nu/s5wp
  Replies (3) Good night (594) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.

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  (314): oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night. http://tfl.nu/0hqo
  Replies (4) Good night (1252) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.

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  (713): The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross. http://tfl.nu/mx32
  Replies (3) Good night (764) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out

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  (765): i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out http://tfl.nu/3iy5
  Replies (8) Good night (909) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt

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  (904): thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt http://tfl.nu/t37k
  Replies (0) Good night (573) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"

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  (734): The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!" http://tfl.nu/glab
  Replies (3) Good night (658) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?

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  (909): An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me? http://tfl.nu/uy1l
  Replies (3) Good night (460) Bad night (203)

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