Quick, to the slutcave!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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