Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something