Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?

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(619): he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear? http://tfl.nu/9u5k

Replies (111) Good night (1427) Bad night (5509)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.

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(617): I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster. http://tfl.nu/4sze

Replies (45) Good night (5130) Bad night (1010)
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(315): View more from New York

JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...

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(315): JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room... http://tfl.nu/oonq

Replies (5) Good night (3731) Bad night (763)
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(417): View more from Missouri

so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?

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(417): so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra? http://tfl.nu/rm09

Replies (28) Good night (1600) Bad night (3563)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'

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(802): I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress' http://tfl.nu/zrhx

Replies (4) Good night (1353) Bad night (752)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.

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(304): Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better. http://tfl.nu/8g47

Replies (4) Good night (2403) Bad night (529)
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(906): View more from Michigan

Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.

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(906): Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work. http://tfl.nu/815e

Replies (13) Good night (1053) Bad night (2851)
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(513): View more from Ohio

seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been

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(513): seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been http://tfl.nu/nato

Replies (1) Good night (986) Bad night (432)
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(914): View more from New York

I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"

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(914): I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish" http://tfl.nu/lggm

Replies (15) Good night (4044) Bad night (451)
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(954): View more from Florida

I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?

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(954): I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested? http://tfl.nu/lmn2

Replies (9) Good night (455) Bad night (1505)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go

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(919): I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go http://tfl.nu/j7ma

Replies (4) Good night (558) Bad night (243)
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(386): View more from Florida

I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?

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(386): I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts? http://tfl.nu/fc3u

Replies (2) Good night (244) Bad night (600)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...

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(978): You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again... http://tfl.nu/9z52

Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (254)
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(801): View more from Utah

I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.

(1-801): View more from Utah

20.

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(801): I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day. (1-801): 20. http://tfl.nu/vqhd

Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (215)
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(563): View more from Iowa

What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?

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(563): What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan? http://tfl.nu/rqqz

Replies (7) Good night (636) Bad night (242)

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