I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
