you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.