watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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