3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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