Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
