that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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