saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
