If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
