I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
