why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
