i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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