why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
