Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
