also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
