It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
