it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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