I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
