hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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