she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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