I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
