One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
