How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
