Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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