Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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