I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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