im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
