never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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