i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
