Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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