God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
