Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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