the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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