he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
