i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
