im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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