i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
