At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
