If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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