you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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