we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
