I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
