Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
