There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
