so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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