Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
